Still Breastfeeding No Libido - Parents' Discussions

Mom’s Question

My daughter just turned 2 years old last week and my libido is still not back. I still breastfeed because I can’t seem to stop my daughter from wanting to nurse.

She’s my 3rd child. I breastfed my 2 sons and the longest was 18 months, and it took 3 days for him to know he wasn’t going to be breastfed anymore. My daughter doesn’t want to give in. She is sleeping with me and my husband, and when my husband and I do have a chance to have sex when she’s with my sons in the other room I have to force myself to have sex.

I have absolutely no sex drive. My mind wants to, but my body doesn’t. I wish I would have started to lay my daughter in her own bed earlier in age, so my husband and I could have more alone time. My husband is very understanding and patient, so it’s not affecting our relationship too much. But I don’t feel normal and I don’t really know what to do?

Easy Baby Life:

Low Libido While Breastfeeding A Toddler

I think what you describe is actually very common for new moms, breastfeeding or not.

Extended breastfeeding really is great from a health perspective, although it probably can have an effect on your libido, just like you describe. However, being 2 years old, I would assume that breast milk is quite a small part of your daughter’s nutrition? And the breastfeeding hormones should not be nearly as strong as when she was fully breastfed. Has your period come back?

I would guess that the combination of hormones, no time for yourself, no time alone with your hubby three kids and did I mention no time for yourself, is more than enough to effectively kill your libido.

I really think you should get out of the house with or without your hubby, but definitely without your children more often to catch your breath. You’ll find babysitting tips here, if you need them. Also, some researchers claim that 3 years of low libido after childbirth is common and normal, regardless of hormones. I would suspect that pure exhaustion (and no time for yourself) are the main reasons for that.

If you need tips on how to stop nursing your daughter to sleep, you find them here.

And you

Hang in there! You have a great husband, by the way :-)

Paula

PS: Anyone else experiencing low libido long after giving birth? Share your thoughts and comments below.

Comments

Nov 27, 2019

Sex Draught…

by: Anonymous

With my 1st child my hubby was very patient with me and we didn’t actually have sex for 5 months after she was born, with me it was psychological as I had had 2nd degree tearing which made me worry about it hurting during sex, but after a smear test I realized it didn’t hurt and my hubby thought all his birthdays had come at once!! ;p

With my 2nd child, I was actually mentally/physically ready for sex sooner but through for some reason when we decided to do it one of the kids would wake up!

What you have to remember is that sex is not the be-all and end all in a relationship, you both have to be understanding to each other’s needs. There are things you can do if sex is missing, little things like sharing a shower, cuddle on the sofa anything you can think of just to keep that closeness you had before bubs came along.

But also bear in mind…it will come back eventually!!

Nov 27, 2019

Too grabby

by: Anonymous

My daughter is now 4 months old and still… no sex drive. Her father and I had a wonderful sex life. Full of passion, very spontaneous, and always fun. Now I’m a breastfeeding mother, working 12-hour shifts and an infant at home and the only thing to lower my sex drive more is the constant grabbing that occurs.

New dads…give your wife a break! She’s constantly working for her children and taking care of them and the biggest turn off for me at least is the constant touching without permission and always the wrong time.

I know hormones drive women crazy as it is, but you have to be able to show her she’s still beautiful to you and you are still in love with her. Then it will come naturally in her own time.

Nov 27, 2019

My Husband Is Wonderful, But I Don’t Want To Be Intimate Right Now

by: m

I feel so unattractive, my body looks like it belongs to someone else, nothing about it is recognizable from what it was before my pregnancy. when I was pregnant I felt beautiful. Before I was pregnant I felt sexy. Now I am ashamed to say that sometimes I feel disgusted.

But my husband just can’t get enough of me. He is patient and respectful but has the sex drive of a junior in high school. Even before I was pregnant he wasn’t this interested in me. I honestly can’t see what it is. I just don’t see what he sees, but he acts like I am some kind of goddess.

I miss our intimacy, but I just can’t seem to get my head into the game. I feel like I am constantly distracted and I dread being alone with him in fear that I will have to reject him. Sometimes when we make love, I enjoy it, but usually, I do it because I love him and I want his needs to be met. I know that he needs to feel loved and desired. I know that he needs to feel like he hasn’t been replaced by our baby.

I know that things will get better. I know that I will want him again. I am working to get my old body back- or rather my new boxy better. I know that will help me feel more attractive. Really, I feel like this will get better as my hormones get back to normal. I don’t feel like myself in so many ways. I just hope that my wonderful husband will continue to be patient and still be crazy about me when this period passes.

Nov 30, 2019

Just not in the mood, what to do?

by: Stephanie

So this is mine and my boyfriend’s first baby. I’m of course nursing, but after almost 8 months sex just sounds like a horror story waiting to happen.
It’s not that I’m unhappy about my body cause I’m not. It’s just I’m not in the mood ever. I mean never and I feel really bad cause he thinks that I’m not attracted to him anymore.

When he goes in for the touch of the breast the only thought going through my heads is not only are those our daughters but it just feels weird.

Glad to see I’m not the only one out there. Just wish he would understand that I love him, want to be with him, have sex with him, I just don’t feel up to it. It feels weird.

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Paula Dennholt

Paula Dennholt founded Easy Baby Life in 2006 and has been a passionate parenting and pregnancy writer since then. Her parenting approach and writing are based on studies in cognitive-behavioral models and therapy for children and her experience as a mother and stepmother. Life as a parent has convinced her of how crucial it is to put relationships before rules. She strongly believes in positive parenting and a science-based approach.

Paula cooperates with a team of pediatricians who assist in reviewing and writing articles.

This Post Has 4 Comments

Momofmanishtoddler February 2022

I have a 2 yr old that I’m trying to wean for the second time.. The first time was last year and he was 1 1/2, I started to get my sex drive back very quickly but then I slipped up and started breast feeding often again and my sex drive went splat! I don’t even have the urge for self pleasure… It’s awful! I don’t have to urge to sleep with my Bf but I do anyway because I don’t want him to suffer.. I know he senses it! So I’m desperately trying to wean my 2 yr old not for just my sex drive but for other reasons as well..
mom of 5 December 2019

I have had 5 children so I’m pretty tired all the time anyway, even though I have a fantastic husband that does help loads with all the chores around the house it’s still draining when you’re with the kids all through the day whilst he’s at work.
For the last 3 children I’ve had I have breastfed each one for a year and during that time wasn’t having periods and absolutely no sex drive what so ever, then I stopped breastfeeding and my periods came back then my sex drive was getting better and decided to try for another baby and fell pregnant straight away. Then my sex drive disappeared again. 9 months later I gave birth, breastfeed for a year, periods came back, sex drive came back and wanted another baby and fell pregnant straight away again and sex drive once again completely disappeared.

I am still feeding the newest addition and she’s just over a year. Within the last 3 years, I experienced sex/love making fewer than 10 times. I am in my early 30’s. The way I feel now I could quite happily go without. But it’s no good for the marriage. We need to both be happy.

What do I do when I’m feeling so negative to the whole love making thing?????
1. Linn December 2019
  
  Wow, this is my life in duplicate. I also have 5 kids and my libido is at an all time low. I’m currently breastfeeding my daughter who has just turned 2. My husband is supportive and does a lot around the house yet I can see that he’s frustrated and this is taking its toll. I really feel for you.
Anna E November 2019

I have a 3 month old most handsome baby boy. My partner is so wonderful that I cry just thinking about him. But since giving birth I have lost all interest in sex.

Before I was a real slutty in bed, now it takes him all his love and patience to get me into the mood, and even then I rarely come. I hope this condition will improve. I am angry at not being able to reach orgasm as before.